BATTLE-STAR BRITAIN: SIR MURDOCH THE TRUE TELLS THE TRIBE THEY HAVE FREEDOM TO VOTE FOR ANYTHING, SO THEY DON’T NEED EDUCATION OR LEGAL SYSTEMS (05.06.2017)
In a galaxy far removed from the civilized world a savage tribe lived out it’s own fantasies in coliseums of ‘reality TV’ while singing the praises of their overlord Sir Murdoch the True who spoke the gospel.
Sir Murdoch the True would offer up great warriors he had chosen who the tribe could vote for who all told the tribe they could vote to do whatever they wanted to anyone else.
The tribe cheered and roared as they voted to do whatever Sir Murdoch the True wanted.
The savage tribe had no need for education or a legal system because Sir Murdoch the True told them everything they needed to know, which was that they could vote for whatever they wanted.
All the tribe had to do was press a button and Sir Murdoch the True would instantly appear before them on a very large screen telling them everything they could possibly ever want to know.
The tribe even had the choice of different screens with people who said the same thing as Sir Murdoch the True but while wearing different costumes.
Sir Murdoch the True told the tribe they should all give as much money as they could to the greatest humanitarian charities the world had ever seen like British Aerospace and Lockheed Martin and Raytheon, so the tribe gave these great charities all the money they could.
The tribe took turns in voting to murder other members of the tribe as everyone cheered on their great freedom to vote to murder anyone.
Sir Murdoch the True was such a generous overlord he put CCTV screens all over their great land so the tribe could even watch every last detail of their murders ‘live’ on reality TV.
He even promoted Cressida the Dick to be their greatest Police Chief ever because she did such an excellent job of murder.
The tribe marveled at the greatest murder their greatest Police Chief ever Cressida the Dick had ever done when she sent her brave warriors to stake-out, follow and hunt down their prey.
The warriors had gallantly alighted buses as they rode across their great capital before valiantly leaping in great numbers over barriers and down into a tunnel in their brave dash to get their man who was not from their tribe.
Repeat viewings continued to get the highest ratings on daytime TV, although the ending was a re-enactment because they had lost the real footage.
The new Police Chief of Terror was so amazing she managed to oversee three terror attacks in three months, with the first one happening on the very same day of her appointment.
Sir Murdoch the True was so kind to the tribe he even sent along his own people to all the murders so they could tell everyone anything they would ever need to know.
Sometimes he even sat in the office of the Police Chief to help her write her press releases.
The tribe made Sir Murdoch the True and his band of merry media robber barons very happy indeed because they grew richer and richer as the tribe happily handed over their money to them to do whatever they wanted.
When the tribe had handed over all their money to the media robber barons the tribe built places called food banks while they still cheered on Sir Murdoch the True because he fiercely guarded their freedom to vote to murder whoever they wanted.
The tribe were happy because their overlord Sir Murdoch the True told them they were happy.
Sometimes the tribe were sad because Sir Murdoch the True told them to be sad but mostly they were happy because Sir Murdoch the True told them to be happy.
Sir Murdoch the True told them he and the greatest humanitarian charities British Aerospace, Lockheed Martin and Raytheon would always protect them from dangerous strangers across the sea in an evil world that had the greatest terrors of all called education and legal systems.
Their overlord Sir Murdoch the True told them the greatest danger there had ever been came from the strangers across the sea in an evil land called the European Union where there were millions upon millions of terrible strangers who didn't want to vote to murder whoever Sir Murdoch the True told them to vote to murder.
Sir Murdoch the True told the tribe to be afraid, indeed very afraid if they could no longer have the freedom to vote to do whatever they wanted to do to anyone else.
So the tribe were very afraid of the strangers across the sea because they couldn’t understand why anyone would want strange things like an education or legal systems when they could have great overlords like Sir Murdoch the True who told the tribe everything they ever needed to know.
The tribe couldn't understand how there could be people who didn't want to vote to murder people because voting to murder people made Sir Murdoch the True so very happy and the tribe always wanted most of all to make Sir Murdoch the True happier than anyone else.
The tribe knew that Sir Murdoch the True was their greatest saviour when he told them that all the evil in the world came from these strangers across the sea in the evil land called the European Union.
Sir Murdoch the True was very good to the tribe because he banished these strangers from across the sea who wouldn't vote to murder whoever the tribe voted to murder.
In fact Sir Murdoch the True told his tribe the best thing about their own tribe's very special elections were that they could always keep voting to murder people.
The tribe cheered because they knew Sir Murdoch the True cared so much about every last one of their own tribe.