Donna: Neil, the greatest love of my life, died early in the evening of 1st October 2020, stateless, in hospital in Emmen in the Netherlands (04.10.2020)

 

 

I originally travelled to the UK when I was four years old, when our beautiful boy from Barry in Wales was a young lad doing the early morning bread run, before he started playing golf.

 

 

… i feel your presence, my gentle darling with the most beautiful eyes…

 

 

NEIL KERSLAKE 12th September 1958 - 1st October 2020

 

 

 

 

The greatest love of my life died, in the early evening of 1st October 2020, in hospital in Emmen in the Netherlands.

 

My darling Neil, you were made stateless, but you know you were really just ahead of our times.

 

We are all shocked, saddened and numbed by the sudden, untimely death of our dear Neil, and we all remember you in our own way, wherever we are.

 

In our grief, we are crying, because we cannot imagine this world without you Neil.

 

 

 

... neil... the greatest love of my life...

 

 

When you were looking after Brian in Germany, you picked me up and dropped me off at bus stations and airports when I had to travel back and forth to and from the UK.

 

You were with me when our Brian died in hospital in Bremen in Germany in the early morning on 18th June 2011.

 

A dark journey to the abyss and back.

 

There was the night we both felt Brian’s presence very strongly, telling us to leave the UK.

 

 

 

 

I remember the beauty of your softly spoken words and being when you called my name and walked through the cottage door, in the woods, in France, standing there in the sun.

 

We experienced waking up in the morning, upstairs, to the sound of a symphony of the most amazing birdsong carried on a soft breeze through the open window.

 

I can hear your words now that live on, telling me they were the happiest of times in our life. You loved our walks along the banks of the river in Port Launay, and exploring the pink granite coast in Cotes D’Armor.

 

 

 

Walking along Sillon de Talbert and standing overlooking Perros Guirec, watching the mist drift slowly in from the sea,

 

The last time I spoke with you was by video, which was respectfully arranged for us, by friends, while you were in the hospital in the Netherlands, on the saddest evening of 1st October 2020 which was the early hours thousands of miles away here in Australia.

 

You always liked to remind me that I am eight hours in the future.

 

 

 

 

I saw you and you saw me, before you went to sleep, my darling.

  

You loved your own children and all children so much.

 

The Brexit ‘border’ panjandrum, just keeps on giving with a global pandemic, that is proving to be profitable for the usual disaster capitalists you are free from now.

 

I went and sat on the beach later, but I could only still cry, because I love you so much and miss everything about you.

 

I am trying my very hardest, to stay in the here and now and the present, as much as I can.

 

 

 

 

You understood I don’t like to perfect the ‘social distancing’ of PTSD as an art form. 

 

It was evening by the time I walked back along the beach in St. Kilda at sunset, thinking of and remembering you.

 

You always loved me sending you pictures on my walks and so on, so you could see what I see and we could stay together.

 

 

 

Last night, I saw you were part of the peaceful and beautiful sunset, and that you will rise with the sun tomorrow.

 

I shared several sombre glasses of Four Sisters wine in your memory, while people shared their experiences of loss too.

 

Dying now, was not on your 'to do' list, and you tried so hard to live.

 

The general consensus remains governance and healthcare really need to change, and people have inspirational ideas for transformational healthcare, encompassing real choices for everyone.

 

 

 

 

Who’d have guessed ?

 

You knew.

 

It's an absolute certainty the British monarchy do know that in all the true circumstances, they have no legal grounds to challenge a referendum on a new Constitution and Republic of Australia.

 

I spoke with our Steve on the telephone, into the early hours.

 

You know what we can be like.

 

 

 

 

I spoke about how it was difficult to do what we had a responsibility to do in Parliament Square, Central London, because we could never have or share so many of our own personal feelings, while we were there. So we started sharing some of those fragmented memories and our own personal feelings, including the pain (and some things you know are unprintable) but most of all we wanted to remember our love for you, that will always be there in everything we do. 

 

Brian, Steve and you were all real men and good mates, and we all inspired each other and shared so much together. 

 

 

 

... hugs & kisses... loads of love...

 

 

 

Everyone loved you, and your beautiful and creative mind.

 

I feel your presence now, my gentle darling with the most beautiful eyes.

 

I remember when our love for each other, which was the most powerful love we have known, just happened, taking us completely by surprise, but needing no explanation.

 

 

... when i saw you standing there...

 

 

I am blessed to have known such a powerful love on this earth, with you.

 

I am still with you, my darling, and you are still with me.

 

You showed me, our spirits and souls are eternal.

 

So, we are forever together, my darling Neil.